Parents: How do you react when your young child sees a large person and points out their size?

How do you react in that moment? Parents: How do you react when your young child sees a large person and points out their size?
This is often a tough one....you want to react to let your child know that what they said was potentially hurtful (even though they didn't mean it), but unfortunately, the more you react the stronger the message you are sending to the person that they indeed are different.





I was in a restaurant with my kids when they were 3 and a double amputee rolled in, and my daughter yelled, ';Mom! That man gots no feet!!'; Had I yelled at her and spoken sternly to her right there, the man would have felt even worse. So instead I told her in a regular voice (the man could probably hear me), ';Yes, he doesn't have legs. And do you see how well he gets around? That's really amazing!'; With a comment like this, the man could kept his dignity and my daughter learned that it's not always about what you see that matters. Later on, I explained that you shouldn't shout out things like that, but young kids like that aren't always going to understand.





If my kids see a really obese person, and remark a little too loudly, I might say something like, ';People come in all different sizes, don't they?'; By saying something like this, it doesn't make the other person feel so out of place.





In private, I will explain to my kids how they might want to keep their observations to themselves until we are alone.Parents: How do you react when your young child sees a large person and points out their size?
I will answer this as a big woman, who has had this happen on two different occasions... and the outcomes were very different.





The first time was in a restaurant. A young boy pointed and squealed ';Look mom that lady is FAT'; She roller her eyes at him but didnt tell him to stop it, and he kept looking at me with disgust and hate. It was a very painful experience forlittle





The second time it was a litte girl She made a similar comment but this time her parent looked at me first, with compassion and said ';I am sorry, if you can wait just a moment I'd like to ask her to apologize.'; The mom knelt down and explained to her that people come in all sorts of shapes, shurt-full colors... and that it is hurtfull to make mean comments about someone because they look different. She then asked the little girl if she understood whapologized wrong and asked her to apologise to me. The little girl approached me with a bit of shame on her face and apologized. I thanked her for her apology and told her I hoped that she understood that jdoesn'tcause people look different doesnt mean they are mean.





That little girl gave me a hug and said ';I REALLY am sorry';





I felt so good about that second encounter - and I would encourage you to give it a try.
If it happens and I am lucky enough for the person not to have heard it, I would quickly pull my child's arm down so they arent pointing any more, and tell them not to say that. If the person did hear it, then I would apologize profusely and then speak with my child.





I actually did have an incident like this happen. When my oldest son was about 4, we were in the store, and there was a very large lady in the checkout line in front of us. She had a shopping cart, and was sort of leaned over it, sort of like she was using it for support. Well, she was wearing a dress, and it was, um, stuck up in the crack of her bottom, and my son pointed and said ';Mom! Mom! Why is that lady's butt eating her dress?!'; OMG I was mortified! I apologized to the woman, who was also really embarassed. When we finally got out to the car, I explained to my son that in the future, if he ever wants to say something like that again, or has a question about why someone looks a certain way, or whatever, that it is perfectly ok to ask me, but that he must wait until we are alone in the car or back at home.
OK, I had to answer this question because we had a huge problem with this...no pun intended. My husband's mother is severely obese and it causes problems for her walking, sitting, standing and doing just about everything. My husband and I would want to shrivel up and die when they would call her fat when she was over, or even use the word at all. We could tell it bothered her. We just explained to them that God makes every person to look different and be a different size but that we all had the same feelings on the inside. We explained that making comments about a person's size could hurt their feelings and that would not be nice. We told them that if they ever had questions about a person's size, shape, color or anything else they could always ask us in private. We didn't want them to not be able to be curious...but we absolutely wanted them to be respectful. With little ones they are naturally curious and haven't learned the art of ';tactfulness'; so it is just one of those life lessons. Good luck!
I'm not a parent but have my fair share of nieces and nephews that I take around town. My three year old niece recently pointed out a very obese woman and asked why she jiggled like that when she walked. She's not a quiet child. I immediately pulled my niece aside and kneeled down in front of her so we were eye to eye and told her that people don't like it when others point out that their bodies are different and she probably hurt the woman's feelings. There's not much you can do except try to make your child or the child with you realize that it's cruel to say things like that.





Good luck!
Until we're alone where I can talk to her, I'll just try to shush her. (This happens quite often when we're in the grocery store or out some place. I have a 3 1/2 year old and she's gotten to where she voices whatever thoughts she may have quite loudly.) I don't want to teach her that it's ok to lie, but I don't want her hurting people's feelings.





Once we're away from the person, I'll tell her it's not nice to say things like that because it can make the person sad and hurt their feelings.





I feel like I need advice on this, too, so I'm interested in reading other answers.
It depends on how they said it.





All of my family are small, i'm scraping 5' and 100lbs, husband isn't much bigger lol.





Kids notice differences, so if she just said 'look momma, she's big' I'd probably just tell her that everyone's different, some ppl are big, tall, short, skinny....





We don't have some words in our house, there are no asian ppl, white ppl, black ppl, there are only people.





I hope she'd never say anything rude, and don't know how I'd react if she did. She'd say sorry for sure though.
My 4 yr old did that a few months ago in the store, I just told her that that was not a nice thing to say. I didnt know what else to do, I felt bad.





she even seen a guy with an eye patch and said ';momma thats guys like a pirate!';





Kids dont know that they are hurting other peoples feelings when they say things like this, and you should try to explain that to the child.
Tell them your child is just kidding, or is just in that phase. and that you are terribly sorry that your child said that, im sure him/her would forgive your younger child.
Well, my husband is a big guy so my children know not to point. They know not to point at anyone because they look different.
Mine has never done that. Doesn't point out people without limbs or those in wheelchairs either.