Thank you.How do you avoid the divorced parents problems at a wedding?
My parents are divorced too. Please remember to let the photographer know, our photographer asked them both to be in the same picture, naturally the picture looks like they are both throwing daggers. For the reception we had our head table and 4 tables right in the front. We mixed up the numbers so one of them wasn't at number one and the other at 2. We put one of them at 2 and the other at 4. For the wedding ceremony they sat on opposite sides, my dad sat on the grooms side I think.How do you avoid the divorced parents problems at a wedding?
It is YOUR day. There issue may be with each other, but it has nothing to do with you. Your mother suggested the boondocks for your dad, but I don't think she would want to be there so neither should your dad. Not only is your mother being selfish in this, but to give in to her would be like allowing a child to say I will hold my breath until you give me what I want.
For one day they can put their issues aside. No one says that they have to talk to each other or dance. They can manage to be in the same room for 1 day.
I would suggest mom and her escort on one end and dad and his on the other. Place other family members in between so they don't have to have any niceties if they choose not to. They can plaster on that smile and cowboy up for their wonderful daughter.
I would talk to them both and let them know that it is your day and out of love for you, to put aside their difference and be there for you.
Good Luck and Congrats.
I know you have talked to them once already, but I would say the day before the wedding, sit each of them down, TOGETHER! both at the same time, and ask them to please hear you out. Explain that you understand their differences, but out of respect for you, ask them to please not cause problems. Explain that you already have a lot on your plate and that you don't need the added stress of them not getting along. Explain you need their support and if they both truly love you, they should put aside their issues for one day in order for it to be ';the happiest day of your life!';
I was also very worried that this would be a problem at my first wedding, my divorced parents hadnt spoken in 15 years. But they can surprise you. I spent all that time worrying about nothing, my parents were fine, even danced together, from there became friends again, a few years later started dating each other again for about a year, and now are the best of friends. I know this is unusual, but the point i am making is that if they have any sense, they will realize that it is your wedding, and thier drama doesnt have a place there, and they very well may surprise you. Just try to treat them as ';innocent until proven guilty';
I would conference a call between everyone and allow them to let you speak, and let them know that you love them both and want them to be there for you at your wedding but out of respect for you can they please be civil with each other. As far as the seating arrangements, you have to keep them ';equal';, if they are at the same table, try to arrange it where they wont really be in each others points of view.
Mom sits in the front seat, Dad sits behind her.
Talk to them both beforehand and explain that you realize they both love you and you are being totally selfish, but this is the most important day of your life and you don't want drama from other parties. Explain that they are both adults and can deal with it for one day for your sake.
Mixed seating at the ceremony so your Dad sits on one side and your Mom on the other. This will set the stage for the families to mingle as opposed to ';brides side'; and ';grooms side';.
And of course have them at separate tables at the reception with at least 1 table in-between.
Tell them they need to respect you and remember its your day, and if they don't think they can keep their opinions (sounds more like your Mum) to themselves then they are better off staying at home than ruining your special day.
Keep your Dad with his side of family and your Mum with hers, the rest they can be mature adults, like their age!!
Good luck, I know the feeling.
Well, I think the best you can do is talk to each individually and tell them that when they dont get along, it causes you stress and makes everyone look bad, and could they please put it aside for one day for your sake? Under no circumstance should you agree to either sides demands; then you are not remaining a neutral party.
Have them sit on opposite sides of each other.Dont have your father sit in the back just cause your mom is being a child about it.That would be really disrespectful towards him.Their your parents so both need to sit in the front and be happy for you.They shouldnt be thinking about the past.
Seat them at separate ends of the room. Include both parents in conversation at the reception. Like if you go table-to-table talking to your guests, make sure they're included and feel welcomed. That's the best advice I can give you. :)
Tell them to be mature adults about this at least on your wedding day.
They can argue their differences some other time. Then tell them if something starts that you will not have a problem having them removed.
This is your day , don't let them spoil it.
According to the etiquette rules for wedding seating of divorced parents, mom is in front row, dad is in row behind her.
When we got married, I had fueding cousins. I called up a representative from each faction (LOL) and told them that I am not picking sides. I love all of them. I wanted them to attend the wedding and I did not want any of them boycotting the wedding because of their siblings' attendance or potential attendance.
One of my cousins is a senator and his response was priceless. ';The room is big enough. we'll manage.'; And they did. Even better...there was reconciliation progress made during the reception in healing their split.
Obviously I did not seat them together.
As for you...tell each of your parents that you love them both and assure them that they will be seated at tables sufficiently far from each other and that you aren't going to force them to pose in the same photos with you.
It sounds like your mom is going to be the one who needs the greatest reassurances from you that you love and respect her...but that she needs to be an adult here. Acknowledge her pain and discomfort and reassure her the steps that you are taking to accomodate her...while not catering to ridiculous demands.
If your mom tries a power play like ';if your dad sits in the second row, then I'm not attending your wedding'; tell her that it is her choice and that you will miss her. She will only be able to manipulate you as much as you allow. My guess is that she would just suck it up and not boycott.
Be strong! This sets the pattern for when you have babies and they get baptized, have their first birthday, graduate, etc.
I have your problem x2!!
Both of us have divorced parents, and neither ex-couple really speaks to each other again.
Neither of my parents want to sit with the groom's parents, he is generally a shady person, very inconsiderate of others, not well liked.
His mom and my mom would probably get along well, but his mom doesn't really give my mom a chance. My mom used to be a very extreme, annoying person but has really come a long way in improving herself.
So my mom and dad don't want to sit with each other,
Neither do his mom and dad want to sit together.
We don't want people feeling excluded either, like you.
ADVICE:
make two parents tables, both at the front and equally close to you and your husband. If your dad is the more independant one, tell him to invite some of his good friends (that may not have otherwise been on your guest list) and seat them at the front also, so that he feels involved, and comfortable.
Give them a good stern talking-to, like they probably gave you when you were little. Tell them this isn't a time to seek revenge, or tease, or argue. Maybe they should exchange a pleasant hello and leave it at that. They are the adults, and they should act like it. It sounds like your mom is most likely to be the trouble maker (like mine). Maybe have one of her close friends or relatives there, and ask them to make sure she doesn't get out of line, or stir up trouble with your father.
No comments:
Post a Comment